My high school wish

As Kaelyn grows older by the minute I start to look ahead to her future. What will her school years be like? What will she be like in grade school, high school, college? My wish for Kaelyn is that she has some of my high school experiences.

Let me explain. A friend of mine from high school and I keep in contact and we were talking once about our high school days. We referred to ourselves as "band geeks". We played in the marching band, the concert band etc. As far as I know, the school in general didn't call us "band geeks" but that's what we called ourselves. We were a tight group, much of the band was friendly and within the band were groups of even closer friends. Most of my friends came from the band and that made sense because we spent a lot of time together practicing, at games, at competitions etc. You hear a lot about peer pressure. Kids feel pressure to do drugs to drink etc. My friend and I were discussing how we never even FELT that pressure. No one invited us to the parties where they drank! No one asked us to do drugs! I guess they knew what the answer would be. We didn't even know who drank or who did drugs. When we heard rumors years later we'd be like, oh really?! We had no idea so and so drank back then!

My wish for Kaelyn is that she can avoid any pressure like that that you hear so much about in the media. There is much about my high school experience that I would change or improve, but that's one thing I can't say I missed out on. I never felt ANY peer pressure to do bad things.

My group of friends were quite reckless. We would rent movies, come over to my house to play pool, go bowling, go to a movie, perhaps even go mini-golfing on a really big day. My family moved across the state after my freshman year in high school. The room I had in our new house had glow in the dark stars ALL over the ceiling. When my family first moved in we thought, how tacky! And then I slept in the room for the first night and was like COOL!!!! It was so neat. It looked like the full sky above me. The person that put it up had even put constellations in there. At least the big and little dippers. Or so I thought! Now, this is how my group of friends spent our time. They'd come over to my house, we'd go up to my room, lay with our heads in a circle, turn off the lights, and gaze at the stars. I must admit, that freaked my dad out because there WERE boys in the group. We were all upstairs in my room with the lights off. My dad sent my mom up to check on us once and she turned the lights on to see us all laying on the floor, heads in a circle, pointing out fake constellations. Worries sidelined!

I want Kaelyn to have such friends. Friends she can do silly things with and be a KID with. Not anyone she has to worry about asking her to drink, do drugs, be stupid. Just people she can enjoy and never have to wonder what they may try to entice her with next...other than a bowl of popcorn or some chocolate, that is.

By the time Kaelyn hits high school I'm sure the world will have changed completely. Cell phones were just coming on the scene when I got to high school. A few people had those bag phones in their cars. Computers were just becoming huge, the internet was spreading. Can you imagine what will change by the time my almost-one year old hits high school? But one thing will never change...good friends. If Kaelyn can have that, high school will breeze by and she'll be off to college in no time. Goodness, did I really just age my under 1 year old to adulthood in one sentence?!

Separation Anxiety and Shyness

Around the 4 month mark Kaelyn started becoming leary of strangers. Let me define strangers...anyone who doesn't spend all day everyday with Kaelyn. That means anyone but me. Though she is okay with my husband on occasion and also my mom who comes once a week to play with her while I work. We're talking about friends, family members, grandparents, aunts, uncles, you name it, Kaelyn will yell at them if they're not me...which how could they be?! :)

Shortly after this "separation anxiety" began I read in a parenting book that it's really common and generally occurs in the 5-9 month range. Huh, I thought, Kaelyn started at 4 months, perhaps she'll be done by 8 months! Start early, end early, right? No such luck. By month 9 she was still a mama's girl. Anyone trying to take her from me gets severely yelled at. If we're all on the floor playing she has to practically be in my lap or on top of me a majority of the time. I then read in a parenting magazine that month 9 was the peak of the separation anxiety. Well, the book said it'd be DONE by 8 months and now I hear the 9th month is the peak of it! :) Get your facts straight people! haha. As if there's any way to predict even just ONE kid much less the mass majority of kids!

Kaelyn hit 10 months and I thought, surely the separation anxiety will magically disappear now, right? None of the books or magazines said anything about past 10 months! Then I read somewhere it's common in the 12-18 month range. What?! Sheesh!

It seems to be a tried and true fact, Kaelyn doesn't like people messing with her. Look at her, fine, talk to her even, fine. But get too close or heaven forbid TOUCH her? You WILL get yelled at. If you're someone Kaelyn doesn't know well, which means you're not me, my husband, or my mom, and you try to hold Kaelyn...whether taking her from me or from the ground you WILL get screamed at.

I was at a mops group meeting earlier in the month and they had food out. I went to get some food (taking Kaelyn with me on one arm, hard to do!) One of the moms said, oh, do you want me to hold the baby while you get your food? As much I would have loved to take her up on that I knew she'd get yelled at and I wanted to avoid that scene! Oh, thanks, but that's okay! I said instead.

I'm starting to think maybe Kaelyn is shy. My husband and I were at a home show recently. His brother has a remodeling/construction type business so he had a booth at the show. Kaelyn was cool hanging out in her stroller for awhile but when she wanted out my husband took her and she burrowed her head into his shoulder and just hid the rest of the time. It wasn't naptime so she shouldn't have been hugely tired.

I had that same experience at the library the other day. Kaelyn ran around awhile and pulled some books from shelves, picked a few out to take home and had a ball. We went to check out and a library worker approached. Kaelyn had a big scratch on her forehead which appeared overnight...I'm guessing she had a sharp nail and scratched herself somehow, I cut them the next day, just so you know! Anyways, the library worker was talking to her about her scratch and got a little too close (I guess!) She (thankfully) didn't yell at him but buried her head in my neck as hard and fast as she could and didn't resurface until we left.

Though at other times, we go places and she's just fine. We go to the grocery store and plenty of people talk to her there. She happily swings her legs in the cart and is just her jolly self. We meet some co-workers of mine for lunch on occasion and she's will yell at them if they get too close, but when she's in the high chair eating she's happy as a lark, making her happy screams and having the time of her life. And the last couple of times we've gone to the zoo she's been calm and happy in her stroller. There are people all over. And I'm BEHIND her pushing the stroller so she can't even see me and she's fine. So who knows. Maybe it's her mood of the moment that matters most. But she definitely shows shyness at times, I think.

I'm sure it makes a difference than I'm with her virtually all the time. Other than my mom, we haven't really had any babysitters. Other than my husband, she doesn't regularly spend time with ANYONE but me. And she's only with him a couple hours a day after work before bed. Hopefully she'll grow out of it and be the kind of kid that makes friends wherever she goes! Once she realizes sometimes mama goes away but ALWAYS comes back, maybe she'll be more okay with other people.

Again, I think perhaps I'm part of the problem. I don't leave her with anyone because she cries and seems afraid so I don't really try. If she yells at someone I take her back and she calms down. Why make her cry if I don't have to? If I know taking her will make her stop? I may partly be to blame. But from what I've read, it's normal for kids to have that separation anxiety tendency. 5-9 months...12-18 months, lots of variation depending on what you're reading!

As a grade school I was anything BUT shy. I was the leader of my "group" of friends and my friends included anyone and everyone close enough to chat with and play with! However, in junior high I got much more shy and closed off. I never cared about fashion or hair much so maybe I wasn't the "cool" one anymore and therefore stayed out of the limelight a bit more. And today I would definitely say I'm shy and quiet. Though people who know me might disagree. But that's the thing, you have to REALLY know me to feel that way. Just meeting me? You'd definitely say I was shy and quiet. In college one fellow student even told me she thought I was stuck up because I never talked to her! And then she got to know me and we became great friends. I guess shy=stuck up in her world! :)

And my husband is definitely the quieter type, to say the least! So maybe Kaelyn has inherited those qualities from us. She probably thinks I'm anything BUT shy and quiet as much as I talk and sing to her! Continuously. All the time. All day. Every day. Day in. Day out. You get the idea.

Only time will tell how Kaelyn will shape up and what her qualities will be. I hope sooner rather than later she at least gets over yelling at people other than me simply for existing! If they pinch her, fine, yell at them, but just for looking at her or talking to her or getting too close? Chill out girl!

Babies Crying

Why is it that a baby crying is the worst sound in the world? At least when it's YOUR baby. My father-in-law always says hearing Kaelyn cry is the most beautiful sound in the world. I disagree because when she cries it means something's wrong. She's tired, hungry, grumpy, uncomfortable, scared, whatever. There's SOMETHING off and I don't feel comfortable again until it's fixed.

Maybe that's part of my problem, everytime Kaelyn cries I jump! She has me well trained! But I can't help it! When I hear her wail my heart beats faster, my pulse races, my blood pressure probably goes up (which isn't all that bad since I have very low blood pressure to begin with!) Occasionally my husband will say, just let her cry! And I say I can't! Maybe he doesn't understand...he goes to work everyday. He has other things he does with his life! I feel like my sole job, my whole purpose in life right now is to keep Kaelyn happy, healthy, thriving. So when she gives me a cue that something is wrong, I don't have anything better to do than wonder what's wrong and try to fix it!

Am I the cause of our nighttime issues? As in Kaelyn is getting closer and closer to a year old and STILL doesn't sleep through the night? Perhaps I am. I often wonder that. I often think, I need to just let her cry. But then she cries. And I can't do it. I feel like, she's little, she doesn't understand what's going on. All she knows is something's wrong, whether she's hungry or scared or just lonely. I can't just leave her!

I did try the whole "letting her cry at night" thing. She cried for 4 hours. She broke me. I couldn't do it. She was around 8 months old at the time, I think. And now she's so mobile, when she wakes up she rolls over, sits up, even pulls herself up in the bed sometimes and I think, would she EVER go back to sleep? Would she ever wear out from crying and lay back down? Probably I guess, but how many hours upon hours would it take?

The nights have gotten alittle better lately. I relented to letting my husband go in to Kaelyn wheh she wakes up at night. She knows he can't feed her. She knows he won't pick her up. Generally speaking, she calms down faster (though she occasionally yells at him for an hour just for fun!) She still eats around 5am but has been sleeping until 7 and generally only getting up one other time at night.

I also keep telling myself I need to do something at her naptimes to get her to go asleep alone. But what? How?! If she misses a nap she's a total crab. If I let her cry for an hour or longer to go to sleep she'll sleep too long and mess up the whole day (including the all important bedtime!) So how do I go about making big changes like that? I have no idea. I'd love it if I could just put Kaelyn in her bed and walk out and let her fall asleep on her own. So far, no luck. The closest I've gotten is every now and then at night she's still awake when she goes to bed and she'll just lay there and look around awhile and then go to sleep. But I have to stay by the crib. If I leave she rolls over, sits up, and screams. I know I need to teach her to sleep on her own, I just don't know how!

As I've said before, nothing lasts forever. It'll happen. I just wish I knew when and how, if there is a way, I could help her get there. Maybe I'm spoiling her by answering her cries too quickly or too often. If that's the case I don't think I have much choice but to spoil her because my heart can't take it! I know crying won't hurt her, she'll still love me the next day, and hey, she won't even remember it when she's older. But I will. I remember that night when I let her cry for four hours. I remember getting up the next day and saying I canNOT do that anymore.

In the end it'll all work out, I'm sure. I've talked to lots of moms with different styles. One will say, I let my baby cry starting at 6 weeks. Another will say, I nursed my baby EVERY time he woke up until he was 2. Some will rock their babies, some will pat, some will go in after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes of crying etc. I don't think I've run across two parenting styles that were exactly the same. And ALL of the kids have grown up. All are healthy and seem secure and like good kids.

This leads me to believe there is no right way to parent. There's only a right way for YOU. And until I figure out a better/easier way, I have to do what my heart and instinct tells me to do. So Kaelyn, as soon as you cry, here I come! :) If you're sick of me, don't cry and I'll leave you alone for awhile, promise!!

Trying to find the right toy

Kaelyn is 11 months old on March 24th, 2010. Her big thing right now is tossing stuff. She likes to inspect things and then toss them in order to go on to the next thing. This includes tupperware from the cabinet (remind me to wash any and all measuring spoons before I use them!) coasters from the low tables, empty CD cases I leave on chairs just for that purpose, stuffed animals from the footstool, toys from her high chair tray, papers from the fireplace, and even toys from her very own toy box as is evidenced in this video. Give her a box full of random stuff and she's happy inspecting each piece and then tossing it. One of her favorite times to do this is snack time after her second nap. She snacks from a small baby food bowl. Cheerios and veggie puffs, things like that. I usually sit her on my lap and we read books and have snacks for awhile. Then when the snack bowl is more empty I turn her loose with it on the floor. Snacks everywhere, as you can imagine. And yes, I feed them to her from the floor (she still won't put things in her mouth herself). I clean the floors on occasion and a little dirt never killed anyone, huh! :) You do have to watch out where you sit, though, when she's going at it on the toys in her bin. Some of them are hardy and plasticy and hurt if you're sitting too close!!

How to entertain a 10 month old

Here's a video of what Kaelyn currently enjoys. Quite a bit! This is actually from a few weeks ago. Since then I have attached a belt to the toy to drag her around. Though I don't go nearly as fast that way. She'll honk the horn if I stop somewhere. Go mama go! I like to have her on the toy at suppertime while I'm cooking. I'll drag her around the kitchen, stop, flip the chicken, she'll honk honk honk, we'll go around the kitchen again, I'll stop, make the drinks, around again, etc! This toy is what we spend most of our time playing with. Whether she's riding it, pushing it, or standing beside it pushing buttons on it.

Kaelyn has also gotten into emptying cabinets in the kitchen. When I need a few minutes I'll plop her in front of the tupperware cabinet and open the door and she goes wild. Sometimes she'll empty every single item and other times she'll just take out the measuring spoons and throw them around.

She has a small tiger on wheels toy that we keep on top of the toy box in the playroom. This toy has been the key to MANY hours of entertainment. Kaelyn throws it on the floor, I put it back up, etc. I have to say WHOA when it hits the floor or it's just not the same for her!

Kaelyn also still HIGHLY enjoys the burp cloth game. I put the burp cloth on the couch and say, now don't you touch that! You leave that up there! Don't you DARE! Etc. She looks at me and grins, moving towards the cloth, watching me out of the corner of her eye. We both know what she's about to do. RIP, down comes the cloth. HEY! What do you think you're doing?! I shout. She either bangs on the couch in excitement or throws herself into my arms giggling. I take the cloth, put it back up and say, now you leave that up there this time! Repeat. It hardly ever fails. Sometimes when Kaelyn is riding the princess toy THROUGH that room she'll jump off JUST to jerk the cloth off the couch. :)

Laundry can also be fun. Sit her in front of a basket of clean clothes and she'll empty it! One sock at a time! Of course, nothing is neatly folded or sorted...more just throw on the floor in a jumble, but whatever!

Metal chairs are a source of endless entertainment. Put something on the metal chair, Kaelyn throws it off, then beats on the chair making all sorts of fun noises. When we go out to eat once she's tired of the high chair I always get down on the floor with her, pull out a chair, and let her toss something off of it. This usually buys us a good chunk of time to stay AND keeps her happy all at the same time.

Kaelyn probably thinks we do all these things for MY entertainment. And I guess they DO keep me entertained! We could probably do all of these things and more in an hour. So these items get done over and over again in one day's time, that's for sure! Along with playing with every toy within reach several times and outings for groceries etc. We can't wait for spring! :)

Sleep when the baby sleeps

I don't remember anyone actually giving me that advice when I was pregnant "sleep when the baby sleeps". But I do remember hearing not to worry about housework, dishes wait, etc. I have taken BOTH to heart. For awhile I felt like I did nothing BUT care for Kaelyn when she was first born. My mom did the shopping for me, I'd make supper once Sean was home and the laundry just waited! My mom actually has complimented me on this, the fact that I did little to nothing! :) Because I guess that means I'm more free to enjoy moments with Kaelyn. Ever since she was born she truly has come first and everything else can wait.

But probably more than anything else it's the fact that when she's awake I don't have time to do much but play with and care for her and when she's sleeping, I'm exhausted and want to rest myself. A lot of Kaelyn's morning naps are taken in the car as we drive somewhere, so obviously I don't sleep then! But often in the afternoon when she sleeps, I at least TRY to sleep. Sometimes I just lay there thinking of all the things I SHOULD be doing and other times I konk out and get alittle snooze in myself. And I think it's probably the smart thing to do. I want to have as much energy as I can to chase Kaelyn around! She's almost 11 months old and practically running. Or at least walking and crawling quite fast!

The only problem is, there's never any time for anything else! I LOVE to read. I never get to. I have a massage bed in the basement I used to use EVERY day. I rarely get to. I used to run 5 miles every morning. I haven't run a step in almost a year. How do parents do it? How do they find the time and/or the energy to do things for themselves? If you sleep when the baby sleeps (and mine doesn't particularly care for sleep!) when do you get to do anything else you want or need to do?

I do get a tiny bit of reading done. Not many novels, but the occasional magazine. On occasions here and there Kaelyn will be so occupied with a toy she won't be paying attention to the fact that I'm in the room. Ah ha! I think. At last! I see my chance. I grab the magazine I have handy and frantically read a paragraph or two. And then she turns my way, crawls over as fast as she can and RIP. She just LOVES my magazines. Thankfully no books have met the same fate as of yet but probably because I rarely get to read an actual book and when I do it simply canNOT be done when she's around!

I do get massages on occasion. When we've had a rough day and my husband gets home and I'm like, here you take her! Then I disappear for awhile to relax. Or when my mom comes to visit weekly I'll often get to run down for a visit to my massage table. It's definitely not a daily event, but it's something! And I love every second I get!

I do NOT get to work out. EVER. How?! I've been trying and trying to devise ways. Sometimes if I actually wake up in the morning before Kaelyn maybe I could. But then I think, yeah but she'll be up ANY second. And she is. I'd be interrupted anyways. There are naptimes, but like I said, I'm usually so exhausted by then I need a break. Not a break to exhaust myself more but a nap or at least some rest of some kind! And, like I said, Kaelyn isn't much of a sleeper. She may nap up to an hour and a half, but generally in smaller chunks between which I have to go back in to her room to calm her and get her back to sleep. So I don't feel like I can leave her on the second level and go ALL the way to the basement where the elliptical machine is and work out. By the time I'd get back up to her room during one of her wakings, she'd probably be fully awake and up for the day. Which means the rest of the day with a crabby baby.

I've never been one to claim I have it all figured out when it comes to kids, that's for sure. And before I had Kaelyn I heard lots of moms saying they never had time for themselves. I guess I didn't really know what that meant until I experienced it myself. I never dreamed I would stop working out. I never thought I'd be unable to read.

But some of the best advice I've received that I've already seen to be true is that it will pass. Kaelyn will grow up and play more independently. She'll go to school. She'll make friends and talk on the phone. Playing with me all day everyday...hanging on my lap constantly...taking up every waking second of time, will all pass. And, from what people say, too quickly! So until the time comes, Kaelyn gets my time. Even if it means I don't get much for myself. I've had a lot of years to myself to do what I please. I'll have many more years to come, so for now, I will give her my time while she wants and needs it. And try to enjoy every second as people recommend because Kaelyn will never be 10 1/2 months old ever again. She'll soon be 11 months. Then 12 months. Then 18 years! :) I just keep reminding myself that when there are things I want to do but don't feel that I can. Someday I'll have all the time in the world to do those things and will wish Kaelyn would play with me all day again! :) Maybe.

Swinging

Kaelyn had a big weekend. We went to visit my parents in Iowa. Friday night we gathered to celebrate my nephew's 4th birthday. We had supper, he opened presents, ate cake, played games, that sort of thing. Saturday was his big birthday party at a Rainbow Playstation indoor play place. There were a bunch of swing sets that kids could play on and swing and climb and slide. Kaelyn got to swing in a baby swing for the FIRST time. She LOVED it. She was in that swing most of the time we were there. She was either real calm and cool about it or grinning and squealing. Depending on how high she was going, I guess. We have a baby swing in our garage that now we just MUST get out and hang ASAP! I want to hang it under the deck where it's nice and shaded so we can swing the summer away! My husband has to get some hooks to hang it with, but I hope we can get it up soon because she was so calm in it and loved it so much and the weather is getting nicer so let's get to swinging!! Kaelyn also got to slide a few times. She wasn't impressed at this point. I think Sean took video of her swinging but no pictures, bummer!

Also in our weekend trip was plenty of Chick-Fil-A! I still can't believe we don't have one around here. I worked at Chick-Fil-A all through high school and part of college. Usually when a person works at a fast food place they NEVER want to eat there again but I actually want to eat there MORE. It's just SO good. So my parents try to take me there as much as possible when I'm visiting so I can get in as much as I can when I can! :) I don't protest. The nuggets, the fries, the lemonade...okay, now I'm hungry.

Today we went to the zoo again. It was a VERY successful trip. No complaints at all! Though I guess it was a little chilly. IT was supposed to be 50 and sunny, wonder what happened to that! We got there when the zoo opened at 9:30, met my friend Andrea and her son Logan. Both kids were perfect angels. Stayed in their strollers, enjoyed the ride, looked around. I was SO hoping that Kaelyn would take her morning nap in the stroller so we could keep going and I wouldn't have to leave so soon. Logan and Andrea went to the petting zoo part of the zoo so I kept Kaelyn moving in the stroller and it worked like a charm, she fell asleep nicely and slept for nearly 1/2 an hour. She was a happy camper when she got up. We saw pretty much all of the indoor parts of the zoo and a little outside. But like I said, it was a little cold, so we stuck mostly to the inside parts. Even the jungle worked this time! Kaelyn just looked around and cooed, not scared at all this time around, yeah! I can't wait to go back. Maybe later this week? :) The shorter nap and all the sights must have worn her out because she fell asleep nursing at 2. She hasn't done that in quite sometime.

The zoo trip and the semi nicer weather and the swing ride this weekend made us realize...WE'RE READY FOR SPRING! Can it be here already? My husband said there might be snow in store this weekend and all I can think/say is NOOO! Being stuck inside is the pits! And Kaelyn and I are BOTH happier when we can get out and do things. She's going to be hard to get INSIDE, I think, once the weather is nice!

I think we need to make a grocery run tomorrow and perhaps a trip to the library is in store. Though I may try to check out a lot of the same books we have because she likes them so much. Maybe another zoo trip later in the week? I think we'll have that place memorized in no time!

Within the last few days Kaelyn went from walking a few steps at a time alone to walking all the way across a room alone. She's walking just as often as she is crawling now. For some reason, when she's naked, she practically runs! Must be the freedom from the diaper. I definitely say she's officially walking pretty confidently. Though of course she flops down on occasion! She's still doing pretty well with nursing less. 3 times a day is all, down from 5. She's eating more baby food at mealtimes and snacks between. Though she still doesn't put anything in her mouth on her own. And she doesn't like REAL people food. She still gags on it and pushes my hand away after trying only one bite. I'll keep trying! She has to get used to it eventually! I doubt baby food can sustain her forever! Especially with spring (hopefully) on the way and her running around only mounting!

Perhaps later this week or at least over the weekend we can get the swing up so when we don't go anywhere and it's nice we can swing the day away. Options of things to do is a GOOD thing with a kid! Short attention spans, you know!