Sleep Training

Kaelyn is almost 8 months old. She will officially turn 8 months on Decembrer 24th, Christmas Eve. Around 3 months of age she started sleeping great, getting up only once a night to eat and going right back to sleep. But around 4 months of age, she started getting up ALL the time again. We're talking 4-5 times a night. I would only let her eat twice, the other times I would just rock her or calm her and get her back to sleep.

Every night I kept telling myself, she'll sleep through the night soon, I can get through this, it won't last forever. All of which I am still sure is true, but I was getting more and more unsure of the idea that I could continue to do this with no particular end in sight.

I sought advice. Friends, relatives, strangers in the store. Everyone had a theory. She's teething (probably true, but would teeth get her up at the SAME times every night, every 1-2 hours?) She's got a belly ache (maybe sometimes, but again, EVERY night?) And on and on the theories went.

Sean and I went to Des Moines to celebrate Christmas with my family the week before Christmas. The first night Kaelyn did great and only got up twice. Each night after that was increasingly worse. A few nights before we went home she was up SEVEN times BEFORE 1am. And every hour and a half to two hours after 1am. The next day I was SO frustrated and SO tired. I wasn't being a good mom. I was crabby and tired and overwhelmed and burned out. What am I going to do, I thought, when we get home and have nights like this and there's no one there all day to help me or distract me? I HAVE to do something.

Everyone says it's okay to let babies cry. That just breaks me HEART. One little whimper from Kaelyn and I want to fix it. But I felt like her getting up was starting to be more of a habit than a necessity. I put her in bed at 8:30, she gets up at 10. And 11:30. And 1. And 2. And 4. And 5:30. There was a definite pattern. And I could never just pat her back to sleep. Sometimes Sean could get away with that but when I try she just pushes my hand away and screams louder. Her crying ALWAYS kills me but I was starting to not mind it more and more because there's just nothing more I can do for her. And I knew I could NOT keep this pace up all night and also be a good mom all day. It was time.

But I wasn't willing to just leave her in a room and let her throw a fit until she wore herself out. Maybe it's fine to do that but I worry that she would feel abandoned and stop trusting me. So my husband and I worked out a compromise. We'd let her cry for a few minutes and then he'd go pat her until she calmed down. No picking her up. No relenting.

Last night was pretty horrible. I put her in bed at 8:30. She started screaming at 10. She screamed on and off until midnight. At 10:05 Sean started patting her and comforting her. She screamed louder. And then she calmed down, took a deep breath, and screamed some more. It was so awful to hear her sniffling and sobbing when I KNEW what she wanted. She just wanted to be picked up and cuddled and rocked. But I knew she would want it again in another hour and she's just GOT to learn how to sleep on her own, I just can't DO this anymore.

After 2 hours of sniffling and grunting and screaming and protesting she finally went back to sleep and didn't get up again until 4am. I let her eat then and she went right back to sleep and didn't get up again until 6:15. She's been happy and smiley all morning long. I dread another night of screaming, but we made it through 2 hours and with any luck she'll be a fast learner. I'm not abandoning her, I'm still RIGHT here for her every need. But now what she needs is to learn that she's okay without me. She CAN sooth herself. She CAN sleep alone. She CAN survive a night without constant cuddles and rocks. As hard as it is, I know it would be harder if we waited longer and I don't know what else to try. Stay tuned for details, I sure hope to report soon that she sleeps alone happily all night long. Until then, I still won't!!