Don't you just love when you overhear someone talking about you and your mothering choices? Especially in a negative way? I guess if I had heard "Oh she's such a good mom, she does everything right!" I wouldn't even be talking about it, huh! So here's the thing. I don't leave Kaelyn with strangers. I just don't. She's a mama's girl right now anyways and freaks out when she's with anyone BUT me, other than a few close family members. With whom she STILL reaches and cries for me on occasion. So I kind of feel like I would be a bad mom if I left her with someone she had NEVER met before and didn't know at ALL. I'll leave her with my husband, I'll leave her with my mom. But until she gets over this phase and is happy playing with other kids and doesn't notice my absense so much, is it really so awful that I want to keep her with me? I go to a meeting and there's child care available. I keep Kaelyn with me. The child care provider thought that was strange, I guess and was telling someone else about it. There were plenty of other children being cared for. One even as young as 2 months old and THAT child did just FINE. It was really more the tone of voice and the facial expression that made me feel it was a negative comment. My other defense is that Kaelyn is still nursing. She needed to eat in the middle of the meeting. But even if she was fine with strangers and wasn't nursing, I can't honestly say I'd leave her with people she doesn't really know. Am I being overprotective? Perhaps. I think I'd rather be overprotective than underprotective, though. Maybe I'm even being selfish. Maybe I WANT her to be with me and only me for the majority of the time. I don't think I'll be on my deathbed thinking, gee, I wish I had spent more time with Kaelyn as a child. To not have that regret is reason enough! I guess I'm ranting a bit now, I just didn't like feeling judged. I'm just doing what I feel is best for my child at this particular time in her life. I wish the person would have talked to me if she'd wanted reasons or felt snubbed because I kept Kaelyn with me instead of handing her over. I'm sure she didn't know I could hear or that I was paying attention. It's a good lesson for me in mothering, though. Moms do what they have to do...what they feel is right. And if another mom does things differently than me, I'll try my best to respect it and not judge it. Every kid is different. They all have different needs. Every mom is different as well.
When I was pregnant I found it pretty annoying when people would touch my belly. No one ever touched my belly before I was pregnant! And yes, I realize there's a cute baby in there somewhere. But above that baby are my ribs, my abs (what was left of them!) my belly, my skin etc etc. They weren't touching the baby, they were touching MY stomach and that was just weird! Especially complete strangers and co-workers. Family must have known what I thought of that because they pretty much stayed away from belly touching. Sometimes people would talk to my belly as well. That was better than touching but I still felt like I was in the way of a conversation I wasn't really involved in!
After Kaelyn was born I realized people love touching babies. IN the stomach AND out! :) I went grocery shopping recently and Kaelyn had her lips all sucked in. The check out lady touched her face and said, hey where are your lips? I would never touch someone's baby's face after handling dirty money and groceries and who knows what else! People just love touching her hands and face etc. She's cute, I get it, but it's cold and flu season, back off! :)
I am also annoyed when people take Kaelyn from me when she most obviously does NOT want to leave me or go to them. The other night we were at a function and a lady tried to take her from me. Kaelyn turned away from her and clung to my shirt. She didn't know the lady, we had just arrived, it was a strange place, she wanted her mama. So instead of backing off the lady pryed her hands between me and Kaelyn and took her anyways. Kaelyn promptly started screaming, as I could have predicted, and I got her back shortly. But when a baby turns away from you as you try to take her, why try to take her? Let her warm up a bit. Make funny faces, play with her, talk to her. Don't try to take her away when she quite obviously is happy where she is and doesn't want that situation to change!
I also feel awkward when people are talking directly to Kaelyn when I'm holding her. Again, like when she was in my belly, I feel like I'm in the middle of a conversation I'm not really a part of. They're not talking to me. They're not asking ME the questions, and yet I'm stuck there in the middle. Because if they try to take Kaelyn she'll just yell at them so I kind of HAVE to be there! :) What do you do!
So that's my venting and ranting post for the day! :) It probably sounds like I'm in a bad mood or something! I actually feel pretty decent, just wanted to get a few things off my mind and I figured this would be a good place!
I can't believe that other mothers would treat you like that. No mother should be "forced" to do anything that she doesn't feel right about.
ReplyDeleteAny first-time mother is going to be more protective than one who has more children - or one whose kids are older and they've forgotten what it is like! So what if you haven't handed Kaelyn off to a stranger yet? What's the worst that can happen - that she's going to become too clingy to you? That's not a guarantee - but if it does happen, so what, you can work on that when you're ready!!! It won't be set in stone for life! But what's the worst that can happen if you force stress upon both of you? Sadly, there ARE things that can't be undone.
At this age in Kaelyn's life your connection is the most important thing. . .some people don't realize this and some probably even feel guilty because they DO realize it but they handed THEIR babies off because maybe they wanted a break or for whatever reason and so they feel better if they aren't the only ones.
As you know, I have never handed Logan off to a stranger, either, aside from his babysitter who he started going to at 11 months old - and she has a license and 27 years of at-home-daycare experience, and he only sees her on average 8 hrs a week! I keep thinking we can get a nighttime/weekend teenager or something now that he's 20.5 months old but there hasn't been a reason to yet and I don't agree with people who throw their babies into the water to teach them how to swim. When there is a night that I need a sitter, I will have her come over the day before to play with him so that he will remember her the next day. I will do everything I can to ease him into it gradually and when I know he can handle it.
I am very confident that he hasn't lacked anything or missed out on anything by us not leaving him with a variety of strangers yet. In fact, just the opposite - he is very comfortable and independent because he's not worried that at any point I'm just going to leave him. Yes, he did cry the first 3 times I left him at his babysitter's - but that was it. He's stayed with my parents numerous times for the weekend and never cried. Now he's at an age where he can better understand the situation and so when I do start leaving him with "strangers," I predict it will be no problem at all, and so all we've avoided is trauma!
Sorry that was long. . .I vented too, haha. It's just there are so many worse things you can do as a parent than hold your baby!!! Before long she WILL be running away from you so treasure these moments!