Planning

I have to admit, I'm a planner. Maybe to a fault. I like things to go as planned and I always like there to BE a plan. Since having Kaelyn, when plans get disrupted it can be even more disappointing to me. My mom comes over once a week. Winter weather prevented that one week. Thus my plans were interrupted. My friend Andrea and I get together every few weeks. Winter weather and car troubles got in the way several times. Thus my plans were interrupted. My in-laws were going to come over on two different occasions this past week. Life got in the way and thus my plans were interrupted. It's not so much the change in plans, really, but as a stay at home mom who spends approximately 12 hours a day entertaining a baby, when you have something set in your mind...a day with a friend, a break with you mom, a change in the everyday play, it's a HUGE deal when those plans get changed! I never did like changing plans much. I guess I'm not very spontaneous, but now, when I go from having a fun day planned to having NO plans, it's like...crushing, I guess would be the word! :)

But onward we play! Because what other choice do we have! The toys gets tossed a dozen MORE times. The cat gets a little more attention, much to his chagrin. The poor guy just wants to nap! And I get to watch Kaelyn that much more closely for yet another day. Though it can be wearing, that's not such a bad thing.

Recently she's starting holding things out to me like, "see what I've got mama?" She grabs on to her pink safety pin toy and holds it up like it's the coolest thing in the world and she has just defeated something huge and triumphed.

Lately I've had a bit of a pretzel habit. The braided honey twists that are the size of a finger. When I eat those, Kaelyn just HAS to have one. Not to eat, just to hold, turn over and over in her hands, and wave in the air like it's the coolest thing since sliced bread. On a side note, strangely for this stage, Kaelyn never puts anything in her mouth. Other than her hands, the spoon I offer at mealtimes, and stress balls. Never any real foods, veggie wheels, assorted objects from the ground. Part of me is thankful for this and part of me wonders how we'll ever get her to eat real food! Hence the reason she can have a pretzel. Not that I leave her alone with it just in case, but so far, she hasn't even considered chewing it. Which is strnage, really, beacuse she sees me eating them. I've always thought that about straws too. She sees me sucking on them so you'd think she'd want to put them in her mouth. But no, she just wants to stick her finger in them. Well, whatever, kid!

I think planning pretty much goes out the window when you have a baby, though. You can plan all you want, it's really what THEIR plan is that counts. Just because you plan to get a good nights' sleep doesn't mean that is what they have in mind! Just because I plan for Kaelyn to nap around 10 and around 3 doesn't mean she'll want to. Perhaps motherhood has been a lesson in spontaneity for me. Taking things one day at a time is definitely something I'm getting better at! Though it'll never be my strong suit. It's funny when people ask, when does she nap? Because until quite recently (see the post about Schedules!) I didn't have an answer for that. "It depends on what time she gets up in the morning," I'd say for starters. It was a complicated process.

So I can't tell you what Kaelyn and I are going to do all day everyday. Even when I think we DO have plans. So I can't tell you how many hours of sleep we'll get or how much she'll want to eat or when. So I can't tell you how long she'll nap or when. So what!

I can tell you I love this kid from the very depths of my soul. That love wasn't immediate for me. I loved her from birth, sure, but the more I get to know her, the more I see her eyes shine when we play something new or open her favorite book, the more I love her. It's a daily event. Even if we do the SAME things day in and day out, she does something EVERY day that amazes me, makes me smile, enthralls me, and makes me love her all the more. I can't plan much these days and guarantee that it's going to for sure come to pass. But I know for a fact that I plan to love Kaelyn for this lifetime and beyond.