Babies Crying

Why is it that a baby crying is the worst sound in the world? At least when it's YOUR baby. My father-in-law always says hearing Kaelyn cry is the most beautiful sound in the world. I disagree because when she cries it means something's wrong. She's tired, hungry, grumpy, uncomfortable, scared, whatever. There's SOMETHING off and I don't feel comfortable again until it's fixed.

Maybe that's part of my problem, everytime Kaelyn cries I jump! She has me well trained! But I can't help it! When I hear her wail my heart beats faster, my pulse races, my blood pressure probably goes up (which isn't all that bad since I have very low blood pressure to begin with!) Occasionally my husband will say, just let her cry! And I say I can't! Maybe he doesn't understand...he goes to work everyday. He has other things he does with his life! I feel like my sole job, my whole purpose in life right now is to keep Kaelyn happy, healthy, thriving. So when she gives me a cue that something is wrong, I don't have anything better to do than wonder what's wrong and try to fix it!

Am I the cause of our nighttime issues? As in Kaelyn is getting closer and closer to a year old and STILL doesn't sleep through the night? Perhaps I am. I often wonder that. I often think, I need to just let her cry. But then she cries. And I can't do it. I feel like, she's little, she doesn't understand what's going on. All she knows is something's wrong, whether she's hungry or scared or just lonely. I can't just leave her!

I did try the whole "letting her cry at night" thing. She cried for 4 hours. She broke me. I couldn't do it. She was around 8 months old at the time, I think. And now she's so mobile, when she wakes up she rolls over, sits up, even pulls herself up in the bed sometimes and I think, would she EVER go back to sleep? Would she ever wear out from crying and lay back down? Probably I guess, but how many hours upon hours would it take?

The nights have gotten alittle better lately. I relented to letting my husband go in to Kaelyn wheh she wakes up at night. She knows he can't feed her. She knows he won't pick her up. Generally speaking, she calms down faster (though she occasionally yells at him for an hour just for fun!) She still eats around 5am but has been sleeping until 7 and generally only getting up one other time at night.

I also keep telling myself I need to do something at her naptimes to get her to go asleep alone. But what? How?! If she misses a nap she's a total crab. If I let her cry for an hour or longer to go to sleep she'll sleep too long and mess up the whole day (including the all important bedtime!) So how do I go about making big changes like that? I have no idea. I'd love it if I could just put Kaelyn in her bed and walk out and let her fall asleep on her own. So far, no luck. The closest I've gotten is every now and then at night she's still awake when she goes to bed and she'll just lay there and look around awhile and then go to sleep. But I have to stay by the crib. If I leave she rolls over, sits up, and screams. I know I need to teach her to sleep on her own, I just don't know how!

As I've said before, nothing lasts forever. It'll happen. I just wish I knew when and how, if there is a way, I could help her get there. Maybe I'm spoiling her by answering her cries too quickly or too often. If that's the case I don't think I have much choice but to spoil her because my heart can't take it! I know crying won't hurt her, she'll still love me the next day, and hey, she won't even remember it when she's older. But I will. I remember that night when I let her cry for four hours. I remember getting up the next day and saying I canNOT do that anymore.

In the end it'll all work out, I'm sure. I've talked to lots of moms with different styles. One will say, I let my baby cry starting at 6 weeks. Another will say, I nursed my baby EVERY time he woke up until he was 2. Some will rock their babies, some will pat, some will go in after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes of crying etc. I don't think I've run across two parenting styles that were exactly the same. And ALL of the kids have grown up. All are healthy and seem secure and like good kids.

This leads me to believe there is no right way to parent. There's only a right way for YOU. And until I figure out a better/easier way, I have to do what my heart and instinct tells me to do. So Kaelyn, as soon as you cry, here I come! :) If you're sick of me, don't cry and I'll leave you alone for awhile, promise!!