Around the 4 month mark Kaelyn started becoming leary of strangers. Let me define strangers...anyone who doesn't spend all day everyday with Kaelyn. That means anyone but me. Though she is okay with my husband on occasion and also my mom who comes once a week to play with her while I work. We're talking about friends, family members, grandparents, aunts, uncles, you name it, Kaelyn will yell at them if they're not me...which how could they be?! :)
Shortly after this "separation anxiety" began I read in a parenting book that it's really common and generally occurs in the 5-9 month range. Huh, I thought, Kaelyn started at 4 months, perhaps she'll be done by 8 months! Start early, end early, right? No such luck. By month 9 she was still a mama's girl. Anyone trying to take her from me gets severely yelled at. If we're all on the floor playing she has to practically be in my lap or on top of me a majority of the time. I then read in a parenting magazine that month 9 was the peak of the separation anxiety. Well, the book said it'd be DONE by 8 months and now I hear the 9th month is the peak of it! :) Get your facts straight people! haha. As if there's any way to predict even just ONE kid much less the mass majority of kids!
Kaelyn hit 10 months and I thought, surely the separation anxiety will magically disappear now, right? None of the books or magazines said anything about past 10 months! Then I read somewhere it's common in the 12-18 month range. What?! Sheesh!
It seems to be a tried and true fact, Kaelyn doesn't like people messing with her. Look at her, fine, talk to her even, fine. But get too close or heaven forbid TOUCH her? You WILL get yelled at. If you're someone Kaelyn doesn't know well, which means you're not me, my husband, or my mom, and you try to hold Kaelyn...whether taking her from me or from the ground you WILL get screamed at.
I was at a mops group meeting earlier in the month and they had food out. I went to get some food (taking Kaelyn with me on one arm, hard to do!) One of the moms said, oh, do you want me to hold the baby while you get your food? As much I would have loved to take her up on that I knew she'd get yelled at and I wanted to avoid that scene! Oh, thanks, but that's okay! I said instead.
I'm starting to think maybe Kaelyn is shy. My husband and I were at a home show recently. His brother has a remodeling/construction type business so he had a booth at the show. Kaelyn was cool hanging out in her stroller for awhile but when she wanted out my husband took her and she burrowed her head into his shoulder and just hid the rest of the time. It wasn't naptime so she shouldn't have been hugely tired.
I had that same experience at the library the other day. Kaelyn ran around awhile and pulled some books from shelves, picked a few out to take home and had a ball. We went to check out and a library worker approached. Kaelyn had a big scratch on her forehead which appeared overnight...I'm guessing she had a sharp nail and scratched herself somehow, I cut them the next day, just so you know! Anyways, the library worker was talking to her about her scratch and got a little too close (I guess!) She (thankfully) didn't yell at him but buried her head in my neck as hard and fast as she could and didn't resurface until we left.
Though at other times, we go places and she's just fine. We go to the grocery store and plenty of people talk to her there. She happily swings her legs in the cart and is just her jolly self. We meet some co-workers of mine for lunch on occasion and she's will yell at them if they get too close, but when she's in the high chair eating she's happy as a lark, making her happy screams and having the time of her life. And the last couple of times we've gone to the zoo she's been calm and happy in her stroller. There are people all over. And I'm BEHIND her pushing the stroller so she can't even see me and she's fine. So who knows. Maybe it's her mood of the moment that matters most. But she definitely shows shyness at times, I think.
I'm sure it makes a difference than I'm with her virtually all the time. Other than my mom, we haven't really had any babysitters. Other than my husband, she doesn't regularly spend time with ANYONE but me. And she's only with him a couple hours a day after work before bed. Hopefully she'll grow out of it and be the kind of kid that makes friends wherever she goes! Once she realizes sometimes mama goes away but ALWAYS comes back, maybe she'll be more okay with other people.
Again, I think perhaps I'm part of the problem. I don't leave her with anyone because she cries and seems afraid so I don't really try. If she yells at someone I take her back and she calms down. Why make her cry if I don't have to? If I know taking her will make her stop? I may partly be to blame. But from what I've read, it's normal for kids to have that separation anxiety tendency. 5-9 months...12-18 months, lots of variation depending on what you're reading!
As a grade school I was anything BUT shy. I was the leader of my "group" of friends and my friends included anyone and everyone close enough to chat with and play with! However, in junior high I got much more shy and closed off. I never cared about fashion or hair much so maybe I wasn't the "cool" one anymore and therefore stayed out of the limelight a bit more. And today I would definitely say I'm shy and quiet. Though people who know me might disagree. But that's the thing, you have to REALLY know me to feel that way. Just meeting me? You'd definitely say I was shy and quiet. In college one fellow student even told me she thought I was stuck up because I never talked to her! And then she got to know me and we became great friends. I guess shy=stuck up in her world! :)
And my husband is definitely the quieter type, to say the least! So maybe Kaelyn has inherited those qualities from us. She probably thinks I'm anything BUT shy and quiet as much as I talk and sing to her! Continuously. All the time. All day. Every day. Day in. Day out. You get the idea.
Only time will tell how Kaelyn will shape up and what her qualities will be. I hope sooner rather than later she at least gets over yelling at people other than me simply for existing! If they pinch her, fine, yell at them, but just for looking at her or talking to her or getting too close? Chill out girl!
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